We all hate conflicts. For the most part, knowing your partner is angry with you or being involved in a conflict period makes people moody, depressed, angry, and in sad cases...suicidal. It should NEVER come to that. Most arguments or conflicts are fixable. It's ironic something as beautiful as a relationship that can takes months and years to build and can take only moments to crumble. Our minds, egos, pride, and more are all very fragile.
This is why its very important to truly understand your partner and when conflicts arise knowing the best approach to squash them asap. Severity of the conflict will always determine the possibility to squash them quickly.
Forgot to do the dishes? Chances are, even if an argument ensues, your ability to fix it by the end of the night is a high probability. Cheated on your partner? Chances are this conflict will not be resolved by the end of the night or probably end of the week.
Recommendations to resolve a conflict
As the title of this article states, the goal should be to resolve a conflict by the time your head hits the pillow at the end of the night. Overall, it is much healthier for your relationship and yourself personally to end conflicts quickly versus letting them draw out. The longer a conflict exists, the greater the toll is on your mind and body. It will affect your sleep, affect your mood, your relationship with other people, and certainly your relationship with your partner. Therefore, the following points are recommended when dealing with a conflict:
LISTEN to your partner. Hear their side of it, even if you think they are dead wrong from start to finish. Give them the opportunity to get their point across. It is a horrible feeling when you need to get a thought off your chest or mind, and the opportunity to do so is squashed.
Choose softer or less harsh phrases. So many things are said during arguments that you want to take immediately back, or you regret at a later date because you didn't mean it, or it came out wrong. Spend the few seconds after hearing your partner to think of your response and determine the best choice of words to use. Stay away from words like "hate", cuss words, violent phrases. Try and set your body position to reflex your phrases. Don't get into a defensive position. Don't cross your arms as this appears to be a blocker.
Be Quite. - If you can't say anything constructive to the situation, sometimes it's ok to just be quiet. I have personally just kept my mouth shut if I feel it does no good to speak. Either the moment is TOO heated and being quiet will help calm it down quicker, or you simply have nothing good to say so your best approach is to stay mute.
Say Goodnight - Even if you are both angry at the end of the night, and the conflict won't get resolved...still kiss your partner goodnight and tell them you love them, appreciate them, or whatever you know in your heart is a nice thing to say. For me, even if my wife is no longer talking to me at the end of the night, I make it a point to give her a kiss, tell her good night and that I love her. Sometimes I get a snippy response back, sometimes I get a reciprocated "I love you" back. More times then not, we end up saying we are sorry for the fight and end the day at least on what feels like a balanced position.
Peoples emotions get the best of them, and I am willing to bet many relationships end simply because the two people don't know how to properly communicate, or they tend to hold onto their conflicts for extended periods of time.
Focus on doing EVERYTHING you can to resolve the conflict by the time your head hits the pillow.
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